Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
