I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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