if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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