Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Two words: blizzard sex
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize