I wanna bring you to show and tell
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
