i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
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