Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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