Nicole vs. Life
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
