Three words: puerto rican gang bang
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
