why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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