She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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