What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Ketchup is God's man juice
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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