pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
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You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
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Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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