Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
