If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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