You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
