if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
