I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
you had me at cake vodka
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
