Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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