do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
