After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
