Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
