Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
