Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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