new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
and you said cock pushups were impossible
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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