he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize