Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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