Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
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at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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