i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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