The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
