I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
