I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
