Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
