fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
