the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
This house was built for laser tag.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
