True but thats because hes a fetus.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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