THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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