plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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