Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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