Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
