Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
