I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Don't EVER smell your tampon
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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