i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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