fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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