How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
