i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
