I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
