I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I party with great urgency now.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
