I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
