once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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