I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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