People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
