Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
