When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
