What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
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She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
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Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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