overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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