Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
God, I missed his penis.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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