Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
