my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
