So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I think weed is turning my hair brown
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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