You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
