He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
You work out of a Hotel?
I have demons in me.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
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