FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize