I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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